We've been waiting now at #1 for a girl toddler since we got on the waiting list on April 22, 2010. That's a little more than five months of knowing a phone call could come at any time. That's a little more than five months of knowing that out of the 5 million orphans in Ethiopia, there is one girl out there that is waiting for a home, one girl that will be our little girl. For now she sleeps in an orphanage. For now she wakes in the morning without a mom or dad. It is similar to being 39 weeks pregnant (not that I would know how that feels!) for over five months. It is knowing that on our end everything is in place and ready, except for the final referral phone call.
So as I think about us waiting for over five months, I also think about our girl who could be 5 years old. I think about her waiting for five years for a family, not knowing if there will ever be one. I also think of her waiting alone, without a mom or dad to support her. As she watches other children and babies get matched with their families, does she wonder "who is coming for me, who loves me, will I be alone again tonight?"
So our wait becomes two-fold. Our own hearts are ready to be joined with our little girl. That hurts and causes us to become impatient. And we know that there is a little girl that is ready for a family. We are waiting for her, she is waiting for us. When will the referral come? We know it will come in God's perfect timing, under His perfect control, to reveal His perfect Glory. We again rest in Him.
Our minds know the truth of these words, and yet our hearts sometimes struggle. We wrestle with our own impatience and wanting the process to move at the pace that we best envision. Our minds go through the endless pieces of our story that have yet to be unveiled to us. We think through each of the details, trying to bring them to closure by simply processing them over and over. In the end, we need God's help to allow us to see His purposes through this and to know that His plan will be for our good (and for Peaches' own good). We are reminded that we need to continue in prayer for the process and for Peaches. We need to cast all our anxieties on Him, because He cares for us.
And so we pray, and yet we wrestle. We wrestle and we wait for God.